November 19, 2005 | Funny Bits

Extreme Makeover: Brothel Edition

Approximately 80 miles outside of Las Vegas, in the small Nevada town of Crystal, horny desert explorers will soon be able to quench their thirst with a different kind of refreshment: A man.

That's because former "Hollywood Madam" Heidi Fleiss is moving there to help turn one of the town's two brothels, the Cherry Patch Ranch, into Nevada's first "rooster ranch."

"I am opening up a stud farm," Fleiss, 39, told reporters last week from her Hollywood home.

There's just one catch, boys: The farm ain't for fellas.

"I am going to have the sexiest men on earth," Fleiss said of the brothel, which will employ male prostitutes for an exclusively female clientele. "Women are going to love it."

No doubt. But so would the throngs of gay men with a soft spot for down-and-out divas like Fleiss -- and a slightly harder spot for dick!

Unfortunately, brothel owner Joe Richards doesn't care. Men who work at the brothel will be required to obey three rules, he says: They must wear condoms, undergo weekly STD screenings and may not host male clients.

Fleiss' criminal record may make it difficult for her to obtain the employee work card required by Nye County of all brothel employees. Fleiss was released from a California prison in 1999 after serving 21 months for money laundering, tax evasion and attempted pandering. She also was convicted in 1995 of running a high-priced prostitution ring for celebrity clients.

Somebody tell Mr. Richards that if Fleiss is unable to play hostess at the ranch, there are a few gay men who'd be more than happy to perform her duties!

• Hollywood madam to manage Nevada man whore bordello [YNOT Masters]
• Heidi Fleiss to dabble in gigolo business [L.A. Times]